Ask Toni & Josh
DO YOU NEED an answer to a problem
and don’t know who to turn to?
Growing up can be hard, but Toni and Josh are here to help.
Whether it’s about school stress, jealous friends, or any other issue making your head spin…
Let it all out right here. Toni & Josh will lend a sympathetic ear.
READ THEIR WORDS OF ADVICE IN YOUNGPOST ON SUNDAY
Please note: Toni & Josh seek to respond as soon as possible, but due to the high number of problems they always receive, it may take up to a few weeks for their answers to go to print.
46 Responses
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Sara Yin
Zulia Hung Mitchell
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Sometimes I have mood swings which I know is normal for teenagers but is there any way to prevent them? Sometimes I feel sad or upset for no particular reason and I would like to find out how to change this or make myself feel better if I can
I have a dilemma and it’s kind of a big one.
There is this guy in my year that I really really like. We share one class, but that’s it. He’s really sporty, funny and basically an awesome person, so I’ve heard. Here’s where things start to get complicated. Last year, he asked me out to a dance. The news leaked out, and everyone knew. During the dance itself, I was so pressured by my other “friends” and I ended up literally running away. It was really embarassing, and I feel really bad for him. Now, since the start of school, I have had a crush on him, but I don’t know how to tell him! The dance, like last year, is approaching, and it would be perfect if only he knew! HELP!
Hi Toni and Josh,
I currently have a friend whom i like but i can’t seem to get myself around to telling her that i like her. I just find it annoying how i can’t tell her the truth. I have never dated a girl before at all so i find this reallly hard to do. I’m afraid that i might mess up our friendship if she doesnt like me or something.
Please help!
Hello!
I’d like to join the reporter’s club but I can’t submit the form.
I think it’s due to the technical problem and I hope it will be fixed soon.
I can’t wait to join!
Thanks
Hi Billie,
Yes sorry we have some problems with the join form.
Can you send your application by email at reporters.club@scmp.com?
Have you visited our Reporter’s Club page to learn more about it: http://www.yp.scmp.com/home/website/abouttheclub.aspx?
Hope to read your email soon.
Cheers
YP Team
Dear Toni and Josh,
The topic which has been bugging me for quite a while is quite sensitive and has raised ample of questions in my head. Recently, there have been lots of suicide bombings in Pakistan which has cost lots of lives, wounded the economy and most importantly given a negative image of the country. When people hear the name “Pakistan”, they intend to relate it with terrorism , think of a place full of suicide bombers and has raised many problems to the people migrated from that country. One might think is that country that bad?Are the people really that stone heart and cruel?
My answer to that would be “no”, they’re not cruel but I would like to clarify that Pakistan has not been plotting suicide bombings in its own country, its the country that is situated next to it, ‘Afghanistan” and Taliban, which is trying to punish Pakistan for helping out the Americans, clearing ‘terrorism’. Despite the help, the country itself is having a negative image overseas and I have personally have seen and experienced people getting discriminated just because they are originated from that country in Hong Kong.
Last week, someone asked a friend of mine his nationality and despite being a ‘Pakistani’ he replied “I’m from Mexico.”Later, I questioned him about the false statement and his reply was, ‘people discriminate me if I tell them about my origin, they call me with vulgar names such as terrorist or a bomber, and once I applied for a job interview however disappoint was struck, not because my qualifications weren’t met but just because I was from a country where ’suicide bombings occur’, therefore now I prefer just lying through my teeth as there wouldn’t be a need for me to hear those kind of comments nomore.
“I felt really broken after hearing that and it forced me to think whether I should also hide my nationality as I’m also situated from the same country as him? Or should I just tell others a nationality which is of not my own? It is really easy to comment harsh about someone’s country, however try to putting yourself in their shoe, would you like to be treated as you’re treating them?Would you like to be treated unequally?
Aqeel, I feel your anger. Discrimination in any form is wrong and completely unfair. But don’t be too quick to judge your friend. Everyone has to deal with life in their own way. If your friend has been struggling to get a job, it’s easy to see why he would lie about his nationality. Real life often makes us reconsider our principles and find a compromise. Remind him, though, that the truth will come out, and he may get into even more trouble.
As far as your own problem goes, I take it you are still at school and this problem is affecting you differently. Everyone has the right to be proud of their country. The racism you are experiencing happens because people are ignorant. Either you can choose to ignore them and find ways to deal with what they are saying, or you can do something to change what they think.
One of the best ways of dealing with people who are nasty to you is with humour. It diffuses the situation and removes their ammunition to say anything. It might seem disrespectful to the people who are facing dangerous situations actually in Pakistan, but in the short term it might make your life easier. In the long term, it will remind these ignorant bullies that citizens in your country are just ordinary people who are trying, in very difficult circumstances, to live their lives.
With humour, you’ll be telling the truth about who you are and you’ll win people over. Once you have won them over, you can work at changing their perceptions. Many comedians have made huge inroads into changing people’s perceptions about others – you could be one of them.
But let’s face it, not everyone is naturally witty or humorous – it can be pretty hard work.
Another way to change people’s perceptions is through the media. You’ve already started to do this with your post on this website. If you want to reach even more people, you could e-mail your letter to yp@scmp.com for publication in the Young Post print edition.
If you would like to do more, you might contact the Young Post editor and ask her to help you to work on a story that will show the other side of Pakistan. Don’t believe you are helpless. Reach out to other Pakistanis who are going through the same thing and make yourself heard. Perhaps next time your school has some sort of culture day, you could ask your teacher if Pakistan can be one of the countries represented and talked about.
If you put your mind to it, you will begin to see opportunities all around you, and people who are willing to help, to promote your country in a positive light.
Josh.
Well, I used to be neighbor and very good friend with a guy. Our first meet is nearly 6 six years ago at the tennis court. At that time, we were just two immature children wandering together. When we grew into secondary school students, we still met at least once a week. However, up till last year, things got changed. He decided to leave Hong Kong for New Jersey of America. He left just a week before my fifteenth birthday in April last year. Oh my gosh! I just want to celebrate with him. I sobbed for days. I was really heart-broken!!!
For now, I just miss him so much and keep checking his profile on facebook.
But recently, I find that I have a crush on another guy at my school. Should I hold the old love or look for a new one? You know, sometimes it’s difficult to clear the happiness in the past and pick up a new life!!!
(P.S. And I don’t’ think he (the guy in NJ) know that I had (have) a crush on him!!!)
I used to date a guy who was a year or so younger than me and we did the same activities together. I recently broke up with him because of his immaturity and the way he was so stuck-up around his friends – but when I was alone with him, he was the most amazing person ever. I find it hard to read his emotions and I’m never sure if he feels the same way I do. I really miss him and wish I could go back but I think I would regret it and have the same problem with him again. I’m so lost and I wish this would just be so much easier! What am I supposed to do?
Dear Lost,
The matter at heart seems to be his behaviour and the fact that you’ve already broken up. I’m reminded of some good advice A friend’s mother once gave me some good advice: ‘If you broke up, with someone, there was probably a good reason for it’ – think twice before you hurry to get back together.
But it’s hard to just ditch shared memories and experiences. You and this guy clearly had some good times, and that makes without On the other hand, it is our shared memories and experiences that bind us to other people so the pull of getting back together hard to deal with.
Males tend to be more immature than the females of similar age. You can chalk this up to the fact that women physically mature faster, but for the most part this is a constant between the genders even after puberty.
You should also remember people put on different faces for in different situations. You aren’t the same girl with your grandparents as you are with your piano teacher, I’m sure. for example. When it’s just the two of you, I’m sure he’s the tender and attentive partner guy you fell for, but while he’s with his friends he probably has to assert himself in a more masculine way. A group of boys can be like a pack of dogs – with each having has to defend their spot in the strict hierarchy.
If your relationship was fulfilling and this guy made you happy more often than he made you mad or sad, it’s time to sit down and have a chat. If you can accept he’ll be different around his friends, why not give it another shot? Otherwise, be happy for the great times you shared and move on.
Josh.
Hi Toni and Josh, I am Philip. Actually it’s the first time I’ve ever asked a question to you guys, so I am new here~~
I am a Form 3 student and I’ve already felt the stress and pressure of a senior secondary student. I used to be the toppest student in the form, however, I am so scared about my future academic performances right now.
Recently, my teacher asked all of the class to write a plot summary of the story we were going to write. I did so but the teacher ask me to redo it. She said that it could be much better and should be more related to the topic she had given.I felt ashamed after receiving this comment.I put in so much effort into the writing and I needed to give it all up because of her one sentence. Also, the student next to me used to be a lot worse than I do in writing, why did he pass the checking and I didn’t? I felt so mad about myself being so stupid. I often feel like nothing has gone well after I am in Form 3.Please help me, Toni and Josh. I need your help…
xoxo
philip
Dear Philip,
Please remember this: putting extra pressure on yourself won’t do you any good. In fact, things could get worse.
Try to get to the heart of the matter. What’s causing you to slide down the academic rankings? Do you have any family problems? Do you have a poor relationship with your classmates? Are you a shy person who prefers taking a back seat during school activities?
You may think that these factors have little influence on your academic performance, but in reality, they do play an important role. If you want to be a good student, you have to be happy inside and outside the classroom. Your parents, siblings and friends are a crucial part of your life. Be good to them and they’ll return the favour.
You say the teacher didn’t like your work. There are some things you should remember when writing a summary. It shouldn’t be very long. Using your own words, briefly describe the main points of the story you read. What was it about and what did the author want to communicate? Whatever you write, whether it’s an essay, summary or letter, always go through your piece again a few minutes after finishing. You’re bound to make mistakes and you can correct them in your second reading.
What’s more, if you were once a top student, there’s no reason why you can’t reach the same standards. What you need is a clear head and perseverance. This is not mission impossible. You can do it!
Toni.
So there is this guy that i really like and all and i want to tell him i like cuz its really bugging me and i dont like bottling up my feelings. The thing is, im quite shy and we are already quite good friends but I am scared it will ruin our friendship. He is like, a really popular guy and knows like everyone in the school. He is really sporty and top of the class. I am not popular. I have my group of friends and stick to them. I am on one sports team but almost all of the music classes. HELP!!!
Dear Izzie,
First of all, is this having an effect on your day-to-day life? I hope you’re doing OK at school and have no big issues with your family or friends. A crush is not something we should let affect other areas of our lives, no matter how hard it is to stop thinking about the object of our affection.
But it’s not healthy to bottle up your feelings, either. I think you should have a chat with your friend and see how things go.
It may be that he thinks you’re special, too. And if he doesn’t, at least you’ll know, and you can work harder at being friends.
In the meantime, expand your circle of friends by taking part in more school extra-curricular activities. You’re good at music, so you could take part in music competitions outside school. This is a good way to hone your skills and let other people know what you can do. In turn it will make you feel more self-confident, and maybe make this golden boy see you in a different light.
It’s easy for me to look back on my adolescence and say this, but you shouldn’t let puppy love stop you from getting ahead. This guy may be a great person, but if he’s not Mr Right, don’t let that stop you living your life.
Josh.
Hi,
I’m moving schools this year, and I want to get a boyfriend, but how do I make myself more attractive to guys?
boyfriend-less gal
Hi Boyfriend-less,
You know, in my experience, its not worth it to date a guy just for the sake of having a boyfriend. Being in a relationship is supposed to be special, not just for saying, “OH IVE GOT A BOYFRIEND NOW!”.
If I were you, I’d wait. Being with somebody isn’t as great as it’s cut out to be. ESPECIALLY if its with the wrong person.
Guys usually find girls who don’t mind not having a boyfriend more attractive than a girl who wants one. They might think you’re desperate or something and you do not want that. Trust me.
Just be yourself, guys will come. (:
Hope I helped,
NICOLA.
URGENT!
Just lost 5 grand, which my family could not afford to loose in an economic recession in which most of us are pinned. Lost in a very irresponsible manner… Gambling. Thinking I would get lucky but never did, thinking repeatedly this $1000 will save me but never did, I lost a whole $5000. This experience has really convinced me to never gamble again and that only hard work pays honest money. It’s not that I am a regular at the casinos or that I am a perpetual gambler. I just got carried away, hoping to not loose any money with which I initially started. Instead I lost a whole lot more, my self esteem has shattered that I have rid my dad of his hard earned cash.
I am trying hard to think of a solution through which I would be able to regain the lost money for my family within this month of August, as it is urgently required. I can only do work that can be conducted from home, as I already have a full day internship that is unpaid. Hoping for some suggestions.
A dear 19 yr old student wanting to regain lost 5K!
Dear Toni,
I’ve been living in the same place for 7 years and I really would like a change in my room. My room is quite small but I want it to feel open and light. The probelm is, it costs money. I don’t want it to cost to much but I really want to change my room. I need advice on what I should do.
Dear Toni,
Hi, I am just “enjoying” my summer holiday. I feel very tied that I have to start working on my homework everyday stright after my first diet in the morning (or much early). Here’s the homework:
1. Chinese, English and Maths workbook
2. 10 newspaper chipping (150 words/per)
3. 4 book reports
Do you think that too much homework for a secondary 1 student?
My Mom just keep saying that I have to work hard, but that’s too tough for me!
Help……
Being a Secondary student can be tough, even though I’m not one yet…
But I think all you need to do is organize things. Set yourself a time limit for each piece of Homework and you’ll do just fine.
And If you still can’t do it after all that, maybe ask a friend or two to help you.