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Never say never, say maybe

June 18, 2010

It’s the Speech Day of my school for the Form Sevens and Fives today, and I’m not going because I’ve got 2 of my wisdom teeth removed and my face is swollen like I have a ping pong ball in my mouth. Graduation is supposed to be something worth celebrating, a milestone in my life that I would smile when I flip over the photos, or in this case, pushing the ‘next’ button in the ‘Graduation 2010’ album on facebook, when I grew old, wrinkled, and hopefully satisfied.

But quite frankly, I’m growing more and more restless with June 30 approaching – the big day of tears, I suspect, of both happiness and sorrow. It seemed so foreign and surreal when I saw those students studying in HSCC showing off their 5As on the six o’clock news these few years, and it’s my turn now (to have the results in hand, not showing off my 5As). I always thought I won’t get nervous over these academic-related topics because while others were worrying about how they couldn’t substitute the correct formula into the math question or how they wrote something off-topic in their composition papers, I was thinking: whatever, it’s done. I don’t care. It’s always when these big moments are right ahead of me before I realize I actually do care.

I used to say to my friends that I’m never going to miss my school life, having lessons or assemblies, or even the food from our school’s tuck shop. And I meant it. I wanted to leave that place more than anything back then. What surprised me was that when I helped a classmate out and went back to school for graduation video-taking, a sense of familiarity hit me, making me feel a little…secure. Maybe that’s what they say about ‘there’s no place like home’. It felt right just to be inside the campus and take in its scent of grass in the lawn, even though the sun was right on top of my head burning me up. That was the place that I so badly wanted to leave and never come back. That was the place where I spent the better half of the last decade, studying, experimenting and growing up to who I am now.

And maybe, just maybe, if I’m given another chance to live the last 7 years again, I will still make the same choices that I have made. I don’t mind going through those assemblies and hymn-singing again. (Though I still don’t miss the food, I take it you’ll understand if you’ve been having lunch from the same caterer for 7 years. S-E-V-E-N years.)

Samantha Chan, 19, is a fresh graduate from Marymount Secondary School. When she’s not reading or writing, Samantha is watching movies. She dreams to work for the film industry one day. Her column Bite of Life is inspired by the tiniest bits of joy, laughter, frustration and anger in her life. Samantha hopes her articles will take readers to a calm, peaceful place.

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